I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
