I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
