To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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