Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Rumble strips road head = magical
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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