I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
