Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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