..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
