im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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