We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize