:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
