Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
