well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
