The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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