So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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