Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
