My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize