Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
