Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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