She is in my trunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
