No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize