i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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