If that was your dad, he is hot
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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