We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
