I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
cat food counts as protein by the way
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
