My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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