at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
