the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's shark week go big or go home
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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