I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
