Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I puked a lego.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
