Dual....:-)
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
