at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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