After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
