hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
