i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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