My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
