First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
