The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
