PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize