So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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