I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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