We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize