I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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