my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
