What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
