I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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