so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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