If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
