I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
