just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
