How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
