Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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