dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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