i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My dick has a subreddit
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
