garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
