I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
