Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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