Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
