when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
