she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
