oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
