I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
