my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
