He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
