I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
