OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
