Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
