You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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