So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
