You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
