go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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