the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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