There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
