Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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