You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
