so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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