Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize