If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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