found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize