I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
