we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
