even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize