I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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