i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
