Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
