So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
