Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
