This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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