i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
