theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
