i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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