Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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