the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
